I am probably going to Hell. Who are we kidding? I'll be driving the bus to Hell.
The way I cuss and binge drink socially combined with my inherent belief that some people just deserve to die; I'm a prime candidate to spend eternity amongst the sinners and those doomed to roast ad infinitum.
But I am starting to wonder if I'm beginning my endurance training for it now. Do you want to know the temperature of my office?
It is currently 80.4 degrees Fahrenheit in my office. Yes, that is right. 80.4 degrees. Everywhere I go it is HOT. At night, my room-mate who has absolutely zero circulation keeps it HOT in our apartment so I sweat, all night long. I wake up and the first thing I do is sigh because I'm suffocating in the heat. The heat of my own house.
The crazy thing is that I like the heat. I like it outside, when the sun is shining, and some kid named Pablo is bringing me a margarita, and I'm baking in the sun like a Thanksgiving turkey. That's the color I aspire to in my tanning - Thanksgiving Turkey. Well not really, but kind of. I do enjoy having a tan. Mostly because it is one of the few things I do well. It combines actually laying around, without pants, and sometimes drinking. Are you kidding? I should have a medal in tanning. I do all of those things superbly well.
Anyways I digress. Must I spend the rest of my dying days suffering everyone else's poor circulation and slow metabolism? Am I doomed to sweat every second of every day for the rest of my poor, pitiful life? Must I throw open a window every 15 minutes and shove as much of myself as I can get out the window to have a respite from the heat? (Which by the way is quite dangerous for me because I'm totally top-heavy and unless someone is holding on to my feet I'm a goner.)
I would think that maybe I'm having a hot-flash except for the fact that IT IS 80 FUCKING DEGREES IN MY OFFICE.
I wonder if anyone would notice if I took off my pants in my office...