Bitches Need to Hide Their Snatch 'Til April

Look. New rule: If you're older than the temperature your snatch goes into hibernation. This doesn't mean if you've got a regular lay you have to sew it up during the cold weather months.

It means if you're blessed enough to have someone that wants to screw when it's 12 degrees outside you keep that shit wrapped up nice and warm. So your boo is doubly appreciative. Why do you think there are so many September and October babies? Because folks get bored and try to find a warm place to hide the salami.

There is no need whatsoever to wear your shortest strapless ensemble to the bar when it is literally 20 degrees outside. Then you just look dumb. Apparently this is a popular look. This is mostly why I'm single, because I refuse to succumb. I'm a righteous bia-tch and will always be. Anyone who has told you that I'm a nice person is a liar. I'm not. And I revel in it. Immensely.

I was informed this evening that my name is Nicole and I work for the YMCA and I'm a bitch. Too bad he got half of it right. I work for a 4-letter acronym and am a total bitch. But call me Nicole and see if I don't bust a cap in your ass. Try me. I'm ghetto. Ask me about my high-school.

The point being this: If you're older than the temperature, PUT ON PANTS. No one likes a frostbitten snatch. At least I'm assuming as much. Frankly, lesbians scare me. A lot.

I mean I support their right to love snatch and all; it just scares me. I don't think you can ever really trust anyone in a sports bra toting a Smirnoff Ice.

Besides, if you're a li-besian drinking Smirnoff Ice is it really worth it? Think about it. . .