Vulvas for Volvo

There is one reason and one reason only why I will never own a Volvo. I cannot see, hear or read 'Volvo' without thinking 'vulva'.

Especially the new commercials where they're trying to shirk the soccer mom/despondent teenage boy stereotype of Volvo drivers. Instead of old and stodgy they're going for 'hot' and integrating lots of sizzle and reds in their commercials which causes me to think of vulvas with genital warts. Before I thought of old, crumbly vulvas that hadn't seen any action in a while which only supports their notion of the 'safe' vulva. I mean Volvo.

Now they're sexy and naughty and dirty. Actually I'm surprised that they haven't resorted to flashing up subliminal images of snatch during the commercials. (Which now that I think about it could explain a lot.) If you go buy one they probably give you a complimentary bottle of Vulva Original, 'a beguiling vaginal scent' that is clearly advertised as 'not a perfume.' (Seriously, I can't make this shit up.) Or there is the ever popular Wondrous Vulva Puppet. Take your pick.

Anyway, the point here is that they've got a company with a really poor choice of name. I can't honestly give you an honest evaluation of the branding because all I can think about concerning Volvo is vaginas. I suppose they've got a point though. All those men out there buying Lamborghini's and Ferrari's are essentially saying 'Look at my penis. I've got enough money to drive around in a super-sized model of it. Complete with leather interior.' It is only appropriate they have an equally valid representation of where to park their Hummer.

I imagine this is where those smart-cars come from.