As you may or may not know there is a scheduled blip in the fabric of time around about February 23rd. It will be a closed loop interference in which 3 years will be lost. Minors will not be affected by this interference. As particpants you may either elect to do one of the two following options:
1. You may choose to eliminate the past three years, a sequential series of three years previous to last year or three non-sequential years after the age of 16 and up to but not beyond the current year. Elimination involves the clearing of one's memory and personal history which can include: past boyfriends/girlfriends/lovers/spouses, legal accusations and poor body modification decisions. It excludes: legal ramifications and convictions, education decisions, and poor financial decisions because let's face it, that shit follows you for life.
If you choose this option you must eliminate the entire three years. Any time not eliminated would cause a discordance amongst the interference loop and the space/time continuum must be modified in concordance amongst all participating parties.
2. Option 2 eliminates the clearance of personal history and memory. It merely eliminates the 3 year time period while retaining all the past occurances both good and bad. This is the more costly option as our time organization specialists will have to reorganize your past according to the loss of time. You will be required to select no less than 15 but no more than 21 instances and/or milestones for your new timeline to be constructed around. You'll need to provide your dedicated organization specialist with the numerical order in which these instances occured for proper time compression to occur. A failure to do so could result in your entrance into an infinite repeating loop of time wherein you re-live whichever instances you placed out of order. These loops are extremely dangerous and next to impossible to exit once entered. Any attempt on your part to purposefully enter into a repeated loop will result in the automatic deletion of three years at the discretion of your time organization specialist. Every attempt will be made to compress your 3 year timeline of your choice but this too will be at the discretion of your time organization specialist. Please note that only sequential time periods can be compressed as non-sequential time lines would result in hairpins and these are not easy to excise.
Please everyone place the upcoming shift on your calendars and adjust your age accordingly. The DMV will be mailing you a new ID with your updated birthdate. You will notice that it will be three years later than your previous birthdate. Please do not panic as we anticipate this to be an easy and painless transition. Any questions and/or comments can be directed to your alarm/clock radio. If you were unaware your clock radio is your direct line to the time/space continuum administration and your concerns will be addressed in the order they are received.
Most importantly it should be noted that all birthday cards, balloons, cakes and other paraphernalia for Anna should represent the change in time shift making her 25 years of age again.
Thank you for your continued attention to this very important public service announcement.
Aw, fuckin' leap year. It strikes me as odd that we can put a man on the moon yet have not figured out this pesky 4-year calander discrepency.
ReplyDeleteTrue. Let's blame it on the Mayans. It's probably their fault.
ReplyDelete