The Beach: The Hurricane Can't Stop the Critic.

I thought it would be fun to title this post like a bad B-movie horror flick.

I went to the beach this past weekend with my mother and dog. I was going to do a daily blogging from the beach as the ocean normally makes me feel all introspective and thoughtful and stuff. But the before we managed to even leave my mother had smashed my phone in the trunk.

Not that my phone was inside the trunk and she shut it, sealing it away in the trunk for a length of time--that she shut the trunk on my phone, my phone was physically in between the trunk and the body of the car and she closed the trunk onto my phone. Multiple times. Because it wouldn't close and what do you do when something doesn't close? Try, try again.

Hence busted phone screen. Hence weekend at beach without external communication. Hence hysteria.

But here are a few gem's of my mother's conversations over the course of the weekend:

'He's nothing but an old fucking shithead.' - Obviously  some random old guy.

'They gave us a free order of hushpuppies for our trouble'. . .'No it wasn't nice of them. I told them to do it.' - Because the people at the BBQ place didn't assume that she wanted french fries with the sandwiches and she had to go back in and order them which is their fault, thus they owed her some hushpuppies. Hell, she got away with it.

'I wonder why no one else is parked here. Why are they all parked over there?'. . .'That no parking sign doesn't mean me, does it?' - No Mother, it doesn't.


It was a bad trip for babies, as she yelled at two different women. One for bringing her infant on the beach and the other was in the seafood restaurant. This woman was incapable of taking her child outside to cry. She felt it would be resolved more quickly if she merely asked the child to be quiet, which it wasn't. But I'm sure she wishes she would have taken him outside as my mother berated her in front of her whole family for being an idiot. To Mom's credit not one of her family members came to this woman's aid to defend her or anything. Maybe they think she's an idiot too?