Do you want to join my new support group?

I'm starting a support group. It's going to be called MDOMWTIF (AICDAAI).

It's short for: My Doctor or My Wii Thinks I'm Fat. And I cannot do anything about it.

I put that last part in parentheses because it's mostly vowels and acronyms really need consonants to make them work.

If you've had the pleasure of conversing with me lately you've noticed the extreme mood swings that are exemplary of dieting and/or hours of a frustrating video game that may or may not have taken over my life at the current moment. (Seriously, there is no need for a video game to be that damn frustrating. The stinking bosses are easier than the stupid elk-seal hybrid experiment.) But I've been dieting and I was pseudo successful. As of last Thursday before the Mellow Mushroom trip and before the weekend of food that was this past weekend, I had lost one pound.

Now at my family practice doctor's office, not only does the nurse check your temp and pulse and put you through the grueling process of weighing you in the middle of the nurse hive so that they all may judge you conveniently, they now get out a tape measure and measure your middle.

Because really, you weren't aware that you're fat?

'Who me?' You always say. 'I'm not fat, I'm big-boned. Now hand me those cheesy poofs.'

And in case you were, in fact, in the dark about your body size, your video games now can weigh in on the verdict. Yes, I have plopped onto the Wii Fit board and had it determine, that I, am obese. Yes, you read correctly. According to the Wii I am obese. I personally choose to believe that the Wii was built for tiny Japanese people and thus it believes that all Americans are over-sized, over-sexed and generally gigantic.

I understand that there is an epidemic sweeping this country and that as Americans we're the heaviest we've ever been and we're raising a nation of children that are the heaviest they've ever been as well. As an adult I look at myself and compare myself to the other women in my family and I realize that I indeed look exactly like they do. Yes I may have an extra 10 pounds that I could stand to lose or an extra 30 but for as far back as I can remember the women in my family have always whined about losing weight. In fact I believe it's what links me to them genetically. Not that we all have the exact same body shape and are emotional messes but that we all want to lose weight and can be only marginally successful. Yes, I could probably lose ten pounds if I ran a marathon everyday but I'm not going to change my body shape and I need someone to accept that. If I need to drag my entire family into the doctor's office with me the next time I go to prove to that man that I will look like this no matter what I will. (He's been my doctor my entire life. Yes, he was my pediatrician too.) I know he's dealt with my mother on more than one occasion so he should compare us and see that I'M ALWAYS GOING TO LOOK LIKE THIS. It isn't going to magically go away.

But then he'd probably say anything to get the gaggle of women that is my family out of his office. We're kind of a mess.

Anywho, first support group meeting this Friday, 7PM. . .at someplace where we can eat fried food. I can't talk about my vulnerabilities without being fat, happy and full. And knowing that my arteries are screaming.