Hi, my name is Anna. I have emotional bulimia.

You may or may not have noticed that within the last couple of days I've been somewhat upset. As understated as that is I feel I should probably explain something about myself.

I'm bulimic, emotionally bulimic that is. I can't figure out if it's because I have a vagina or if because I'm a pisces, swimming in opposite directions and all. Either way I have to talk about it. Whatever emotional trauma I ingest I must immediately purge. I have to get it out and whether that be screaming, crying (Which it most always is, today I cried for an half hour straight after I read a story about a baby elephant getting sick and dying at this wildlife orphanage which then just started an entire snowball effect of emotions. But it was a baby elephant. Come on now. That is completely sad.) or muderous rage, it always comes quick and without warning. It's almost as if the logical part of me just stops and gets out of the way so the emotional part can hurl.

If it helps, imagine it this way: Imagine 2 Annas. Anna 1 is logical, put together Anna. She's well groomed, objective and usually smiling to be polite. Then there is Anna 2. Anna 2 is a bit more irreverant and less put together. She can be moody and looks a bit unkept. Most of the time they peacefully co-exist because Anna 2 is often distracted by bugs, lizards and shiny things. Anna 1 runs the show the majority of the time or at least thinks she does. If ever there is an emotional crisis or even just an increase in the flux of emotions or hormones Anna 1 shuts down and Anna 2 flies into action. Anna 2's normal gut reaction to everything is puking and no matter how hard Anna 1 tries to step back in and regain control it will not happen until Anna 2 is done expelling her feelings.

It's the one benefit of being in any type of relationship with me, romantic or otherwise. I'm completely transparent and if something is wrong you'll know it because it is impossible for me to hide it and we will talk about it ad naseum and you will know how I feel. The good part about this is that I usually can recover from things somewhat speedily. The flipside of that being you'll want to choke yourself after 3 days of dealing with me because you won't be able to handle the emotional vomiting anymore. (I guess this makes me oral repulsive? I can't remember my Freud too well as it's been a while and he's a total quack.)

I guess what I'm trying to do here is somewhat passive-aggressively halfway apologize for my outpouring of emotions lately and apologize for subjecting you all to them. Then again, it is my blog and you don't have the read the parts you don't like. Although I imagine it would be difficult for you to determine if you don't like what you're reading without reading it. So just keep reading and if you don't like what you've read after you've read it you're more than welcome to send me an email or just don't re-read that post. But don't quit reading the blog all together. I'm still funneh. Sometimes, right? I promise soon I'll actually get over this business and will quit hiding my angst about the whole situation in the midst of seemingly unrelated posts. I know I said that yesterday but I'm working on it. For serious, I promise.

And maybe I'm moving towards halfway apologizing for being a righteous judgmental bitch. I'm not there yet and I may never be but I do feel a bit sheepish about my behavior. I was so stinking embarrassed and ashamed and filled with rage, that at the time that's truly what I felt. And still do to some extent, I am just saying that maybe, that's a big maybe, I should have waited a day or two to compose my retort and it would have been a little less hostile. My points are still completely valid though, that I will not relinquish. (Girls back me up on this. It was a shit thing to do. Especially considering how awesome I am and how rare it is for me to actually give a shit. I practically invented 'hit it and quit it.')

If ever there was a time for a grand romantic gesture, this is it, while I'm still vulnerable. Don't everyone jump at once.

Quick! Someone buy a yacht, name it after me and then drive it off the coast and sink it; proving that no one will ever be able to separate us. What? I can't physically go out on the boat with you, I get violently sea sick. Hellooooo, I'm emotionally bulimic not literally bulimic. I've thought about it though. It's got to be an easier weight-loss strategy than getting salmonella again.

(Please know that I'm being super sarcastic here. I don't actually think it's an effective weight loss regime nor am I condoning it. Everyone knows laxative diets are more successful anyways.)