May I please have my claw hammer back?

Obviously lately my life has sucked large donkey balls and the universe does not seem to be cutting me a break.

Mayhap today I gave the universe the finger.

See what had happened was this. I went to the bank to take back my pounds that I had gotten to go abroad and see 'That Boy.' Like a dumbass I did not go to my normal branch because that would have been smart. No I went to the branch ran by retarded ducks and rabid beavers.

First of all the service manager liked to have an aneurysm when I explained to her what I wanted to do. She had to make a phone call. She makes said phone call and figures out that yes there are actually other currencies in the world and yes the company she works for actually does buy and sell these foreign currencies. 20 minutes of my life that I cannot get back are now gone. Okay, so she admits to me that she's only ever done this once before and she did it wrong. CLUE #1 I should have went somewhere else.

So she defers to a different teller who then takes another 20 minutes of my life I cannot get back trying to fill out the form online. Then she says 'Oh you can sit down, this is going to take a while.' CLUE #2 I should have went to the smart branch.

Homegirl finally gets it done and hands me the receipt telling me that the $171 of pounds I bought will now only render me $65 in dollars. I expected to lose some money as the buy back rate is a good bit less than the sell rate but this is stupid especially when I see her math. CLUE #3 I needed to go to the other branch.

I proceed to argue with them. Actually what I said was 'Can you explain to me how 100 multiplied by 1.52 is only 65?' They say 'Oh you have to divide by the reciprocal.' Then I say 'That is the same thing as multiplying the numerator. Your math is wrong.' I may or may not have said 'dumbass' at some point. The details are hazy. Damn tranqs. CLUE #4 Why you should avoid the branch on 4th street.

Unfortunately I am not in the most sound state of mind right now. There is a whole bunch of nonsense somersaulting around in my brain and stuff. Plus, I've never been 'stable' so to speak. You're surprised? I know it's hard to believe.

The good news is that I didn't leap over the counter and plant the business end of the claw hammer that I keep in my purse into the face of the teller, which is what I really, really wanted to do. Instead of planting the business end of the claw hammer I keep in my purse in her face, I threw it through the drive thru window. Then I lept onto the counter and screamed 'Give me my fucking money you stupid dickhole!' with my hands wrapped around her neck and shaking her body back and forth.

The good news is that they aren't pressing federal charges because I wasn't trying to rob the bank, because I was only trying to get my money back the local police force is letting me off with a warning. That warning being: 'Why did you come to this branch? This is the 'special' branch.' (Yes the police officer actually did the air-quotes around special.) 'And we have to confiscate your claw hammer. Sorry about that.'