Do you have the phone number for that creepy little woman from the Poltergeist?

Do you have any idea why my woo-woo smells faintly of goat curry and tumeric? (I can't determine if it's red or yellow curry.)

We have a poltergeist. A smelly poltergeist at that. For some unkown reason my apartment, specifically my closet, smells like the kitchen of your local Indian buffet. Which makes everything in my closet smell of Indian food which makes my underthings smell like curry which in turn makes my woo-woo smell like cooked goat. Which depending on your point of view I suppose, could be a good thing. But probably isn't. I personally do not like Indian food. Hence I'm rather upset. (If it was Mac and Cheese..that I'd totally sign on to.)

I imagine people like to keep their food and sex separate. I mean, there are those wierdos that enjoy smathering each other in syrup, whipped cream and garlic butter or what not, but not me. Mostly because I loathe being sticky. When I was a kid I used to have to eat jelly on toast and it made me cry because it made the corners of my mouth sticky. This combined with my completely irrational fear of the United States Postal Service is a pretty reasonable explanation as to why yours truly is single.

Shrug.

Anywho, we've got a problem. My apartment smells like a food that I do not like, and all of my clothes smell of food that I do not like and that makes my person smell like sub-equatorial Asia. Not that there is anything wrong with that. If you get randy from Indian food, (I was going to use another Indian food ingredient but because I don't like it I've pretty much strapped my gustatorial knowledge of the contents of Indian cuisine with curry and goat and turmeric.) then I'm your woman. But seeing as I usually like to avoid those men with unusual fetishes, (Not that this ever works for me. I'll share the 'foot guy' stories later.) smelling of goat, not a good look. Seriously, we need someone to come and exorcise the Poltergeist.

I was going to make a joke about the poltergeist being a 'Ghandi ghost' because it's funny and alliterative but then I remembered Ghandi didn't eat and that's probably pretty insensitive. You know, insinuating that Ghandi's ghost would smell of food when the man made political statements by refusing to eat; that and my shameful lack of knowledge of Indian cultural figures. Sometimes I try. I really do. I guess it's not funny if I have to explain it.

If it was a normal poltergeist I'd totally let it stay. That shit doesn't really flummox me; I figure if there is an angry Native American ghost (Damn, there's another insensitive joke I could make.) then it's generally a good idea to just let it fucking be. That or move. As long as it didn't fuck with the TV during my weekly bonding with Don Draper/Jon Hamm. Otherwise it'd be totally free to come out of the TV and steal my roomate. He's been pretty busy at work lately; He could probably stand a vacation.