Walmart: Some thoughts, and a lengthy aside about zebras.

Today I was the person I hate at the Walmart. You know, the ones who wear grimy, ill-fitting, baggy pants and a holey t-shirt while their hair is mussed and un-done. Yup, that was me. The odd thing being is that I still managed to turn heads. Apparently the men who hang out at Walmart are not discerning in their choice of females.

You know who I have exactly zero respect for? People with nasty kids. It's one thing if their clothes are tattered and ill-fitting because you cannot afford to buy new ones but wash their damn face. There is no reason what so ever why your child should roam into the public arena with lunch all over their face. God, I remember being drug, by the ear mind you, to the bathroom to have whatever it was I had last eaten scrubbed with vigorous force off of my face along with three layers of skin. All the while being berated for embarrassing whichever female (Mom or Mamaw) I was with because me being dirty was a sign of how cleanly they were and cleaniness being next to Godliness yada yada yada. And something about bad parenting thrown in for good measure.

Also I believe that Walmart has breached the carrying capacity for memory stores in your brain. I never can either find what I'm looking for (Today it was chewing gum and pedialyte.) or remember between visits where anything is. The Walmart is too damn big and the human brain cannot process all that information; even if we do have a parallel processing system. The employees at Walmart cannot do this either. Why else do they not know where anything is when you ask them?

I have concerns for the welfare of the fish at Walmart.

I have concerns for the welfare of old people at Walmart too. The poor things just wander around helpless like zebra's that have lost the herd. I wonder if people just drop them off at Walmart so they can run their errands unencumbered.

(That's true about zebra's though. They're stupid as fuck. That's probably why there's a blue million of them because they're too dumb to run away from the lions, that regularly eat members of their herd. That and they recognize each other by the patterns of their stripes but if those stripes are occluded, by maybe some mud from crossing the river, they have no clue who the members of their herd are. It's just 'This random little zebra is making zebra noises at me, do I know this zebra?' Seriously, I watched a wildlife special where a baby zebra spent all damn day trying to get milk from his momma but she didn't recognize him because he was covered in mud. Then he finally got smart, for the first time ever in the history of zebras, and washed off the mud. Then momma zebra is all like 'Where the fuck have you been all day?' Stu-pid. Imagine if they were to all get muddy at once. There would be mass zebra hysteria until it happened to rain next and then they'd all congregate again like it was a fucking herd reunion. I imagine there would be lots of paranoid ignoring going on. You know something like: 'Why is that zebra I don't know standing so close to me? I don't know him! I'll just turn my back to him and actively ignore him.' Bam, it rains. 'Oh, hi Steve. Where've you been all this time?')

Lastly, did you know you can purchase guns from Walmart? In the same place you can buy lube, hemorrhoid cream and alcohol. Is this a good idea? It seems to me that maybe it isn't.