I Hate Holidays! - The How and Why

I think it's time that I explain why I hate holidays. And  which holidays I hate so that you, friends and blog readers, know when and why I will be cranky.

Here is a list of Holidays I hate (in no particular order):

1. New Year's Eve
2. Valentine's Day
3. Halloween
4. 4th of July
5. Labor Day
6. My Birthday
7. Columbus Day
8. Easter (sometimes)

Here is a list of the holidays that I enjoy:

A. Thanksgiving
B. Christmas

I hate holidays because my parents are divorced. There are few holidays that can be stretched out into two days. So as I child I was the rope in a constant tug-of-war between my parents on holidays 1-8. Whichever parent I wasn't with I felt supremely sad for because they were alone and that was somehow my responsibility. At the age of 8 I had complete autonomy over the decision of where I was going and when. I merely had to speak up and say 'Parents, apparently you've missed the memo but I'm brilliant so please let me make decisions that could affect my personal safety and well-being. I think I'll go have a night-cap now.' So it was always my fault when one of them was alone on President's Day. My parents never did that whole 'Let's Holiday together!' It didn't work for us. I hate holidays because I always feel guilty on them, because as a grown adult if I'm not with both parents then one of them is alone and I feel guilty. Heaven forbid I not be with either of them, then I'm just useless.

Holidays A & B are holidays that could be celebrated over an extended period of time. Holiday A was split between that Thursday and the weekend. I was with one parent on the Thursday of Thanksgiving and the other parent got me that weekend. So I just got really fat and ate several Thanksgiving dinners. Holiday B was actually two days so that always worked out nice. One parent had me for Christmas Eve and the other had me for Christmas Day. Life was grand.

Here are the specifics for why I hate holidays 1-8:

1. New Year's Eve - That whole parent's being alone thing. To this day I still become nauseated whenever I see that God-AWFUL ball drop. My stomach churns and turns and moans and groans. This is also why I hate Dick Clark. I will never feel more guilty in the entire year than on New Year's Eve.

2. Valentine's Day is the day before my mother's birthday and I usually haven't found her anything brilliant yet so I'm all panicky. That and I'll be single forever. And I used to work at a florist and you will never feel the same way about Valentine's Day after you've seen the aftermath of a florist on Valentine's day. People, get over the red roses.

3. For serious? I have to dress up? Maybe I'll be a sexy something stupid.

4.My parents, for some reason, believe that their right to be an American is somehow tied to my involvement in their celebrations. That unless I am within eyesight they'll no longer be American. I think they're scared to become Canadian.

5. The summer is ending. No more beach time. Pout.

6. My birthday? Do I really need to become older? (Btw - I'm turning 23 again this year. For serious. Put it on my cake. And a balloon.)

7. Why should the banks be off but I still have to work?

8. I generally hate chocolate so Easter is a hard holiday for me. That and my memaw doesn't cook anymore. But there was that one Easter where she shoved chocolate cake in my mom's face. That was pretty entertaining. Maybe I will move Easter down to the lettered list...

So you see it's not that I'm always a cranky, Grinch type person, I've just got a lot of emotional baggage and it always seems so heavy on the holidays.