Monday, November 29, 2010

The Advantage of Being Single in the Bedroom

You married and committed people are really missing out on one important factor that us single people have access to.

Because there are two of you.

Single folks can slide the bed right up against the wall because, well, only one person needs to get it in and they can do that from one side. And when the bed is slid up against the wall you get the always amazing experience of the cold wall.

You know what I'm talking about, right?

Remember back to when you were a kid, going to bed at dusk in the summer when it was still just a little bit light outside and your mom left the window open to let in the breeze; it was still a touch warm and as you lay in your little twin bed looking out the window wishing you were still outside playing. You realize you're a little warm.
So what do you do? You put your little bare feet right up against the wall. Because in the realm of things that you as a six year old can control, sticking your feet on the wall is about the only thing. You most certainly cannot fight the oncoming sleep or prevent the sun from setting and your parents have already put you to bed. So as you lay there stubbornly staving off sleep because at the grand old age of 6 you're convinced that the really exciting things happen at night whilst you're sleeping the unemcumbered sleep of innocents, where the dreams are images of fun and gaiety, you try and stay awake by pressing your warm little body against the wall. But you never win.
Sleep always comes and whisks you away.

It's the cold wall that makes me realize that I could be happy being single for the rest of my life.

3 comments:

  1. Ugh! I had forgotten the glories of the cool wall. Thanks, Steve, for marrying me and destroying this opportunity forever.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Imagine me doing a celebratory 'Dougie.' For I still have the cool wall and only poorly executed, colloquial dances can express my joy.

    ReplyDelete
  3. *Shakes fist at cruel universe!!*

    ReplyDelete