Nothing Ruins a Friday Like a Call from The Health Department

You've spent an entire day at work. You've avoided inoculating yourself with various pathogens. You haven't even sprouted a 3rd arm from hanging out in the radiation waste closet. But you're walking out of the building and Voila! your phone buzzes and you've got a voicemail. And who is it?

None other than the county Health Department.

Damn, look what a few beers and the odd glass of wine on a Friday night will get you. It didn't even taste raunchy but alas it was. You'll know better next time.

I'm making it a policy to interview everything going in my mouth from this point forward. At least this way I'll be informed when I call the nurse at the Health Department back. They always want so much information.

But then again it's not as if the real live living entity will parade out to answer my questions about being disease free. That would be awkward.

Me: Do you have a last name?

Him: McDonald

Me: Are you clean and disease free?

Him: Cluck cluck ba-cock cluck

Me: Will you make sure that the kitchen personnel cook you thoroughly?

Him: Cluck!?! Ba-COCK! CLUCK ClUCK!!!

Me: Oh yeah. Sorry about that. It's just that I just got hurt the last time I did this and I don't want to feel that pain again. I have to be wary.

Him: Cluck?

Me: Oh I got Salmonella from your brother Ted. Old man McDonald needs to keep his chickens clean.