I'm having kind of a rough day.
I spent 20 minutes explaining to my mother how to copy and paste files into a different folder in Windows 7. Somehow she thinks that Windows 7 is SATAN and whether or not I agree with her is beside the point. The point is that she has been using Windows nigh on 16 years and STILL CANNOT WORK IT.
Then I ate cold spinach for lunch. Because guess who was up at 5 AM this morning scarfing down tortellini as fast as she could shovel it in? That would be me. And guess what today is? Weighing day. Yes I weigh myself on Wednesdays and I'm kind of excited, well I was excited, because I'm sure I've lost weight and that my diet is actually working and shit. So I had a carrot and spinach for lunch. Do you know how hard it is to eat something that physically causes you to gag as you're chewing? IT'S REALLY FREAKING HARD. But I do it. Because damnit, I will be skinny. Damnit.
I'm teaching myself Perl and trying to write CGI scripts and my compiler says that my syntax is right but I can't get it to work on the web because the interweb gods HATE ME. So I've fucked around with that for a solid 3 hours already and then guess who calls again?
Yes, my mother. She can't find the folder where she put her files.
Insert apoplectic fit here.
I went up to the greenhouse and looked at the plants for five minutes because they calm me down.
Then I come back downstairs and continue my trudge through the UNIX server to find my fucking SMTP mail settings file and go to drink my water and guess what happens?
If you guessed that I would dump an entire 20oz bottle of water into my lap to prevent the watery death of my brand new expensive iPad then award yourself 10 bonus points.
WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW? I LOOK LIKE I'VE PEED MYSELF AND MY EYES ARE BLOODSHOT AND I'M CRANKY BECAUSE I HAD COLD SPINACH FOR LUNCH AND I'LL NEVER LEAVE THIS PLACE BECAUSE I HAVE HAD EXACTLY ZERO HOURS OF PROGRAMMING CLASSES AND SOMEHOW I'M EXPECTED TO PROGRAM AND IT LOOKS LIKE I'VE PEED MYSELF. I cannot even go to the water fountain outside my office door to get more water.
I wonder if I can take my pants off in my office?
Well it could be worse, it could look like you shit yourself.
ReplyDeleteI would encourage you to take your pants off at work. I threaten to take my shirt off at work whenever the temp gets a little high.
ReplyDeletecall a friend STAT and tell them to bring you a valium AND a pair of pants. deep breaths.
ReplyDeletethis post made me pee a little.
ReplyDeletealso, i would just like to say that there are times that i, a human, cannot decipher those dumb non words they make you type to make sure you're really you when you publish a comment. humph.
ReplyDelete@ Trash: ooooooooh good point. Gross, but valid.
ReplyDelete@ George: The sad thing is that I seriously almost did. I used to change in my office for the gym and then I realized what I was doing and that there might indeed be cameras or something creepy like that.
@ Jacky: Valiums? I feel like we could be friends.
@ Jess: It's okay. At least it doesn't make me fill out those captcha words otherwise I'd never respond to any comments. But I'm glad you still think I am of the funneh.
If you worked in the Mad Men office, Joan would lend you something flattering to wear. One more reason to mourn our being born in the wrong era.
ReplyDeleteSounds like your nerves might benefit from planting a little Mary Jane in the greenhouse. Just saying.
ReplyDelete@ Sass: OMG SO TRUE! And I could rock it as well as she does because we have the same body! :D Awwww, now I miss Don Draper.
ReplyDelete@ Beer: You know, my liver would probably appreciate that.