Fashion No-No's I noticed whilst at the bar, Sober.

Okay. Here is a list of things I noticed at the bar in the last ten minutes, whilst sipping on my vodka-tonic:

1. Polka dots are supposed to be small. The size restriction on polka dots should be limited to less than a 2 inch diameter.

2. Sandwiches are our friends.

3. So is purging after we binge. Bulimia is sometimes under-rated.

4. Leopard print and acid washed denim do not match. Commit fully to the leopard print or don't. Either way it's an all or nothing situation.

5. Smocks belong at the art studio.

6. If your earings look like the tail-end of an exotic parrot. . .yeah, that's a no. And it probably has mites.

7. You're not cool because your shirt says 'SL,UT - Salt Lake, Utah.' You're an automatic douchebag.

8. Just because your dress is short does not give you carte blanche to show the back half of the bar your snatch. In fact, in a short dress you work harder to hide it. It may look like roast beef but no one really likes Arby's anyway; it's just an option when the Wendy's is closed.

9. Dale Earnhardt has been dead for years now. Let it go.

10. Florals really do belong on furniture. And that's about it. You look like my gramma's couch.

Stay posted. We may be here a while.