So apparently when you're shit-ass faced smelling like the inside of a cheap liquor bottle and sitting in front of a hot girl on the bus you throw candy at her. Who knew?
But if he tries it one more time I will be forced to say something. And subsequently hurt someone. While I may not have a parmesan cheese shaker to beat his ass with I'm sure I can strangle him with the ear bud cord to my iPod.
And if forced to, I can indeed rip off the ear piece to my sunglasses and start stabbing. You just have to find the right soft fleshy parts.
Yes, you. Turn the fuck around. For serious. I'm starting to become aggravated. A person can only put up with so much.
I just had a revelation. I should obtain legal counsel. Just have some on retainer. I somehow see myself losing my temper and rendering some poor drunk, chicken-head crackhead incapable of peeing without a tube. For a very long time into the future. Over what may be a very trivial thing. But I'm sorry. You're not going to talk to me any way you damn well please. I don't care who you are.
Okay, there may be an exception or two to that last rule. But you have to be reeeeeaaaaalllllll damn purty. Real purty.
And that doesn't guarantee that I won't retaliate. It just means that I'll feel bad when I'm slicing up your handsome face.
I have to go now. I'm going to punch a drunk guy and then I have to go to the grocery store to get hot dogs and soda for my legal counsel.
PS - I'm technically still in Guilford County so somebody come to the detention center there to fetch me. And bring money. And snacks.
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