Opportunities I've missed because I lack political clout.

I would never miss the bus. If I had political clout the bus wouldn't leave without me. I could probably also have the temperature on said bus adjusted to my liking, which is always helpful. With the right amount of clout I could have a personal driver! But that ruins the point of saving the planet. Crap.

If I had political clout I would never have to sit in a crappy section at basketball games again. I would always be at half court 3 rows up. I don't want to be too important. That demands paparazzi and all.

I would hire someone to carry the bags when I shop. Normally you make your boyfriend do this (The post about opportunities I've missed because I don't have a boyfriend is coming soon.) but because I have clout people would not want me to injure myself whilst I spend the money they've given me for being fucking awesome at what I do.

Believe me shopping is a skill.

And if I had more money I'd be exponentially better at it. Which I would have if I had clout.

I promise that if suddenly I became overwhelmed with the amount of clout that I have, I would make the world a better place. I would go ahead and create my agency to provide common sense, preventative and nutritional healthcare to the homeless. I would also work to bring research funding back to the private sector where it actually works. And clean up the oceans.

I would also buy a hippo.

And maybe a giraffe too.

Everyday the world turns without a care as to who I am or what I'm doing. Maybe with a little clout people would notice and make efforts to be better people. So if you read this, do something nice for someone today. Hopefully the ripple effect will work. At least until some ass monkey who's in a bad mood stops it because his girlfriend ran over his foot or something.

Most importantly, with more clout I'd never have to wait to be served at the bar again. I really hate waiting.