At my house, two's a crowd.

My best friend is also my room-mate and he is an interesting person, to say the least.

He's scary smart and uber-anal retentive. I'd say he'd probably have some penis envy just to keep in line with the Freudian-isms but he has a penis so I guess that's the end of that. Please insert some smart comment about Kant or Hegel. What? I told you he was smart. He's into philosophy and teleogical devices or something. I don't know. I'm a scientist I figure Nature is the way it is for a reason.

He's one of those people who can identify what is misplaced in his room faster than any normal person could stand on one leg, squawk like a chicken and lay an egg. Seriously, you could just walk in his room and just re-arrange the books on his shelf, you don't even have to remove and hide them, just move them around and he can re-arrange them in 10 seconds flat. It's scary.

We've been friends for 12 years now which is also scary but only because that makes us OLD. I'm not sure if he's turning 25 or not this year...But everyday that I spend with him I learn many new and different facts about him which never cease to amaze me. I've always knew he was smart but the fact that he can be actively smart and process all this extra random shit is truly a testament to his excelled mental faculties. Seriously, it's scary.

One day I didn't go to work and when he got home he looked around the apartment once and said to me: Did you enjoy your day off? I sometimes get home before him and I was dumbfounded as to how he could have known because I made a special effort that day to keep everything in it's special place.  He saw the lumpy pillow and knew that I had been reclining on it. He saw the grocery bag on top of the washing machine and knew I'd been to the grocery store and could tell by the absence of circles under my eyes that I'd gotten an adequate night's sleep. Go figure.

Generally I think he's a good influence on me. He tries to keep me organized, sane and together. I think it's probably the one thing that he's failed at. I probably won't have a place to live next week because he'll have kicked me out because he's a perfectionist and will not accept failure. Well except that one time I was right, but I probably negated that by throwing that book at his head. It was kind of a thick book. Oh and also the time I swore he'd set up the DVR to record 'A Fish Called Wanda' and he said that he hadn't because it wasn't in the queue. We went back and figured out that he had indeed set up the DVR to record but the channel wasn't available so it didn't. If you're keeping score the tally is now up to: Him: 37,482, Me: 2. It's rare that he's ever wrong, so all of our friends have that one story where they're right and he was wrong and we relive these stories regularly. It's really the only way to stay sane.

I think I'm a good influence on him too. I just haven't figured out how yet. Unless you count the rigors of walking in on your room-mate in the midst of certain sexual acts on the couch in the living room. Hey, he wasn't supposed to be home for another hour. I was eventually going to my bedroom we just hadn't made it that far yet. Luckily out of the three of us involved I was the most embarrassed. The room-mate thought it was hilarious and the Boy was mostly upset he was interrupted but once the deed was finished he was quite amused too. Although he did kind of bust my balls for shrieking, jumping up, grabbing the blanket and running away which left him to make nice with the room-mate and gather our clothes. At least he'd met the room-mate the night before otherwise that could have been reeeeeally awkward. I think he's rooting for you by the way.

 The other day the room-mate says to me: 'I'm taking Thursday, Friday, Monday and Tuesday off of work. I'm going to need you to go to work at least three of those days.' This was directly after I'd set off every smoke alarm in the apartment and we'd had to call the building manager to have them cut off. I tried to placate him by reminding him that our next door neighbor, Sex-on-Skates, was in Mexico and that at least I hadn't caused the evacuation of the entire building like the asshats on the third floor did a few weeks ago with their burnt fucking popcorn. See here. He still wasn't enthused. I'm not sure why, we only have one neighbor and he was gone and no-one actually had to leave nor was there an actual fire. He's a stickler for details. Details like there never should have been reason for the smoke alarm to go off in the first place but I figure I pay rent there, that entitles me to set the smoke alarm off at least twice a year. I'm going to get my money's worth, damnit.

Needless to say I'll probably be met at the door in the morning with the cat so I can take her to work with me because at my house, two's a crowd.