Post VD Vag Thoughts

I'm cynical. Yes, never fear Captain Cynical has returned; no applause needed. I'm cynical and I should have blogged about this yesterday but I didn't. Mostly because I had to install my mother's garbage disposal.


Yes I'm handy as well. 

Do you know what I find interesting? All the different ways we dress up snatch. Kind of like in the Vagina Monologues where they ask what kind of hat your vagina would wear. (Mine would wear a mother-fucking crown bitches.) But think about it. We put it lace and satin and ribbons and bows. We groom it, clip it, cut it, shave it and those hardcore bitches, they wax it.

I mean I appreciate a well groomed groin as much as the next person but does it really make a difference?

I've never actually had the experience of getting ready to seal the deal and someone say to me:

'Excuse me, but what is that?'

'What? You don't know what that is? I am not having that talk with you right now. What do you mean what is that? Aren't we a little too far into this to be discussing what that is?'

'I know what that is. I didn't mean that. I meant That.'

'For serious you're going to have to be more specific. You could make an entire sentence out of pronouns which is what I'm pretty sure you just did.'

'That.'

'Oh, That.'

...

'What? I wasn't anticipating this pleasant turn of events so I am unprepared.'

'Well we're just going to have to reschedule until you take care of That.'

'If you say so, but I'm reasonably sure they had sex in the 70's and I'm also reasonably sure they all had plenty of That.'

Maybe this happens more than I know, maybe it doesn't. It's never happened to me. And from a biological standpoint it's stupid. The hair is there to concentrate the smell and in that smell is the pheromones. The pheromones are supposedly what makes you want to get it on and get to work.  Unless you've got stank snatch and then you just need to wash that shit. No one appreciates that.

That being said, I'm still going to practice grooming practices. I'm just not sure why I do it.

I'm trying to perfect the landing strip look but we all know I'm impatient so it ends up crooked and I just keep taking a little more off the top and then I end up with more of a postage stamp look which just goes to support the notion that I really do suck at life.