Monday, May 17, 2010

A Cultural No-No: Stupid Names for your Baby

This is your PSA for the day.

Do not make up the name for your child. No one thinks you're creative, they think you're stupid. And your children will suffer. I promise. Especially a name that resembles farm buildings.

Since everyone I know is either hitched or shacked up and squirting out babies, the Great Baby Naming Escapade of my generation has begun. The sad part about this is that the tacky people I went to high school with, Guess what? They're still tacky. Except now they're just exemplifying their tackyness by naming their kids stupid things. It's one thing if every male in your family for the last 14 generations has been named Hoyt. That's excusable. Cael is not. Especially when neither you or your husband are the least bit Scottish/Welsh/Old English.

It's okay to be creative. I know people that have super creative names and it's cool. Regan, for example. What an amazing name. Actually that whole family has super awesome names and I'm not just saying that because I heart them all mucho. Actually one of them has the coolest middle name in all of modern history. Gray. Yeah it's pretty awesome.

Speaking of my name, I used to hate it. Mostly because every time my mother ever needed to reach me at school she told them my full name. So I always heard: Anna Gray, please report to the front office. Or they would page me in class: Mrs. King, do you have Anna Gray in class? It was a point of contention for many years. Now I've come to terms with it. I actually like it. Mostly because my grandmother divulged that I'm named after her, her name being Annie. My middle name comes from my dad who was named after the doctor that saved his father's life in WWII. Hence I became Anna Gray. I think it's pretty awesome. But by now you've realized that I often have a healthy sense of self-aggrandizement.

So remember kids: Don't make up creative names for your children. You look stupid and your kids will be douchebags out of necessity.

Unless it's something super awesome like, Annika Boomquisha. That we can live with.

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