Thursday, May 13, 2010

I'm having a Peacock kind of day.

If by reading Peacock, you infer that I had a day in which I strutted around flaunting my beauty and the underlings of the forest/savanna reveled in my beauty whilst being insanely jealous, then you would be correct in your inference.

I had an on day. It was a hot as not quite the sun, but an equally large and hot planet that isn't the center of some puny little galaxy, a tertiary planet. I don't want to seem helio- or egocentric. Like I said: On day.

I wore my favorite black dress with my amazing shoes, which were amazingly comfortable. Thanks be to the Lord. (I know what you're thinking. Really, the Lord made your shoes comfortable? My opinion on that is this: If the the Lord can heal people of terminal illnesses and deadly diseases then why couldn't he do this too? I could die if my feet fell off. And if I didn't die I would most certainly look funny. Besides, if the Lord chooses to bless me with a comfortable-amazing-shoe day then who am I to question his divine judgment? I'm just thankful that he has chosen me to bestow these little graces upon.) Not to mention, I'm quickly on my way to becoming quite svelte so it was joyous running around in a little dress a size too big, it makes a person feel skinny.

But I digress.

I took a internet test one time that supposedly told you which animal you were and it said that I was a peacock (Thank you very much!). But the beginning line of the description of said peacock was this:

"Peacocks are not overburdened by brains."

Did you catch that? Of course you did. You're probably an elk or an eagle or hell, even a beaver or a freaking mountain billy-goat that eats cigarettes and the under-pinning off of trailers is smarter than a peacock. It essentially said, "Yeah you're cute, but dumb as a box of hammers or hair or whatever stupid items you could fit into a box."

I had somewhat of a flighty day today. I thought I had left my pocketbook in the hall at commencement but I had no distinct recollections of bringing it over from my office. And the coup-de-grace: I lost my cell phone for 6 hours. And it was in my pocketbook. My little-ish brown Coach one. Not the giant seagull one that I lug around in the summer so I can be on the perpetual hunt for my next sun and cocktail spot. My smallish bag. Seriously? How do you lose (You'll notice that I didn't say loose. That grates my nerves! Just another friendly reminder that I'm at least pseudo-intelligent.) your cell phone in your pocketbook? I was convinced that I had lost it. I was convinced that I left it on the back of the car and drove off without it. But alas, in the pocketbook it was.

Needless to say I'm trying to bust the bum rap of the peacock for being stupid. Do you know how smart and crafty you have to be to maneuver that tail around? It's not easy. And then you have to be rather intelligent to juggle the schedule of a peacock; all those guest appearances. It's not easy. It get's tiring. Not to mention how wily you have to be to avoid all of the adoring fans and crazy witches trying to yank feathers out of your tail. I think you can agree that the peacock has an undeserved reputation of being unintelligent and stupid.

So the next time you see a vapid beauty standing around basking in the glow of their own awesomeness...

Hit them in the face and scold them. I'm the only smart peacock. They're just vapid and stupid.

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