Cheering up David Beckham.

First of all look at this picture: David being sad. :(

You see what happened was that he tore his ACL and can't play in the world cup. So he's sad. As exemplified by the picture. But still people bask in his amazingness! That one guy on the end is smiling and thinking to himself

"That David Beckham. He's got skills even when he's injured."

And that guy on his phone is probably texting his wife and telling her that his mind is about to implode from the sexiness with which David Beckham mopes. While the farthest man is simply content to be close to him.

I unfortunately missed his amazing sexiness on Saturday! I was excited to watch soccer and then I found out he wasn't playing. My interest waned from there. But then I hear that he was there! And in a suit! Jesus, WHY MUST YOU CURSE ME???

(You can't see me but I'm totally shaking my fist at God. Kind of like how the old man up the street from my mom waves at him. God, not David Beckham.)

So I have decided to formulate a list of things that I would do to cheer up David Beckham:

1. I would make him pecan pie. I'm Southern and I respond to all emotions by cooking. You're happy, I cook. You're sad, I cook. We're celebrating the torture of a really nice guy, that's when we Southerners really throw down. Actually, if David Beckham showed up at my door and wanted me to cook him pork brains and eggs, you'd see me chasing a pig through downtown Winston with a shotgun or a tenderizing mallet. And I love pigs.

2. Well I've run out of things that I can mention. I thought I could formulate a list that wouldn't include any naughty-bits but right now they seem to be overwhelming my creative faculties. This isn't that kind of blog, so we'll just skip ahead.

3. I would take him shopping! He's married to Posh (A sham marriage at best. I even doubt the validity and legality of it.) so he must love to shop! We would go and pick out curtains and accenting throw pillows! And then onto shoes!

Wait, that would make me happy. . . .

Anyways, the point here is that David Beckham is sad and I think that I, Anna Gray _____, have the appropriate skill set to make him happy. While I cannot repair his ACL I can do all that I can to ensure a rapid and speedy recovery.

I could get it done even faster if he was to do it naked. wink wink*


* - Get your mind out of the gutter. I told you this wasn't that kind of blog. While those things may be true, they'll most certainly not be mentioned. I was merely insinuating that if he was to lounge around my house naked whilst recuperating, I might be motivated to do all of the things I have listed at a faster pace, along with some of the things that I've been putting off: Grad school, sit ups, writing the next great American novel, etc. A naked David Beckham truly is a good motivational tool. Maybe that company in China that has to wrap the stairwells in mesh so people will quit offing themselves should take this into consideration. After seeing David Beckham and realizing that he wears clothes, meaning at some point in time he takes them off, has reduced my willingness to end my own life to about zilch. I like to remain hopeful.