Horrible Homonyms: Hopefully Howard has helped himself.

I'm in a shit mood. I'm not sure why. I just am.

You know what that means? Yes, it is indeed time to criticize.

I'm done with stupid people. I am no longer providing you with a stage for your idiocy. I am going to start deleting people from my social media page who are stupid. This will probably mean that I end up with 7 "friends" on the FaceSpace but whatever. At least I won't be privy to your creative spelling and inventive diction.

For your benefit I am providing you a list of the the top seven (I was going to go with 10, but I got bored and started to youtube sesame street videos. They cheer me up.) things that prove to me that you are stupid:

1. Loose v lose. I see this one so often that at least once a week I question whether I indeed know the definitions of these individual words and look them up. (I understand that these aren't homonyms but they are my number #1 aggravation.)

Definitions (from m-w.com):
Loose - not rigidly fastened or securely attached
Lose - to miss from one's possession or from a customary or supposed place

Example:
Loose - Your teeth will be loose after I punch you in the face three times for being an idiot.
Lose - You will lose your teeth after I've resumed punching you and that fourth time, that'll do it. You will have no teeth.

2. They're, their, there. One's possessive, one is an adverb and one is a contraction. If you can't figure it out, I'll help you.

They're = contraction of They and are, as in: They're stupid fucks, obviously.
Their = possessive: Their stupid face. Their stupidity knows no limits.
There = adverb (Meaning where the bunny can run. For serious, that's how I remember what adverbs are.)

3. Dam and damn. For serious? You cannot even cuss correctly?

Dam's hold back water and create reservoirs. Mostly used for hydroelectric power. See Hoover Dam.
Damning someone is condemning them; the majority of time to hell. There are instances where damn is indeed a noun as well, meaning: a minimum amount or degree (as of care or consideration). I don't give a damn. He's not worth a damn.

Damn damn damn damn damn. (I just like saying damn. It's my second favorite naughty word, behind shit.)

4. Eunuchs and Unix. No one I know ever really makes this mistake. Mostly because the people I know that would talk about eunuchs aren't computer people. I just included it because for some reason, that I probably shouldn't mention, I find the thought of eunuchs hilarious. Unix, not so much.

5. Know and No.

U no is not an acceptable way of telling someone that they do indeed know a fact or someone.

Definitions:
Know = to have understanding of
No = a declarative negative, ie: Do you like grape jelly? No.

6. Pray and prey. If you are indeed the bible-thumper you say that you are, shouldn't you know (not no) the difference between these two?

You pray to the Lord so you are not prey for the devil. And zombies, sharks, tigers and chainsaw wielding maniacs.

7. Two, too and to. Most of these issues come from people not knowing when to use too and when to use to. I'll give you that the majority of stupid people I know can at least count to two.

Definitions:
Two - 1, 2. Two. A smashing demonstration.
To - a function word indicating movement or an action or condition suggestive of movement toward a place, person, or thing reached
Too - besides, also; also to an excessive degree.

Example:
Two birdies fly to the telephone wire that has too much electricity and thus they are now fried.

Now that I have elucidated the top seven homonyms that piss me off, please do make an effort. Also if you feel a need or are so compelled to print this out as a handy instruction sheet, please do. With a little bit of practice and a little know-how, you too can stay my friend on the FaceSpace.