An open letter to those who have external loci of control

Ahem. Because I'm not one to criticize without examining myself first, I'll admit I have character flaws. But at least I am self aware.

I know I'm lazy. I'm all about getting the maximum effect out of the least effort. In fact, sometimes it is amazing how lazy I am. In the mornings sometimes, when I wake up I consider actually peeing the bed because I don't want to get out of the bed to go pee. I've even researched getting a catheter for that very reason, (Well, okay that is creepy, and all I really did was ask a friend of mine in med school at Carolina if a doctor would put one in for that. He said no. So I'm still getting up to pee.) The point being is that I'm self aware. I realize that I obviously am a lazy bia.

It would be one thing if you were a religious fanatic. They at least believe the good things and bad things are out of their hands and are being divied amongst the believers as trials by fire or joyous rewards. But you, dear ones, you believe that only the good things are under your control. Whilst all the bad things are everyone else's fault.

I am not responsible for the way you respond to a situation. Only you can direct your actions and feelings. Yes, I could probably be a little less sarcastic but cut me some fucking slack here. I'm not doing this for my health. I don't sit around and fret and take the time to formulate these suggestions because I'm bored. Maybe it actually does mean that I'm concerned and I care? Let's focus on that.

I still support my earlier supposition that your life would be much better ran, if I was doing the running. (Before you point out the lack of activity in my love life let me remind you of this: I'm totally doing that on purpose. Duh.) But if you are going to run your own life then buck up and be responsible for your own self. If you get pissed off and flustered because you cannot handle what I'm saying then there are several things you can do: you can hang up, you can shut up or you can react the way you did. But do not then blame me because you can't get anything done in that state of mind.

Don't get me wrong, I understand that it is extremely difficult to control your reactions sometimes. Someone shoots your cheetah, you're liable to be pissed and shoot them back. But that doesn't make them responsible for being shot. You still shot them. You may be vindicated and/or correct in your response but still. You understand what I'm shooting for, (just to overuse a metaphor here) correct?

And as for you,

One of the hallmarks of being an adult is recognizing the consequences of your actions or inaction, as the case may be. Yes, sometimes bad shit does happen to people, randomly. But the majority of the time you bring it on yourself. You're twice my age and still have not grasped this idea. Thus I was running your life, when I was 10. I'm not even sure how to criticize you because doing that makes me a litte ashamed since I've essentially raised you. But I've made the same mistakes your own mother made. You still don't understand that you create your own circumstances; you've always been bailed out thus eliminating the connection between action and consequence. Hence you've developed an external locus of control. And somehow I'm not only the cause of the latest catastrophic storm in your life but also responsible for fixing it. But heaven forbid something go right, because that is never my doing. No. God blessed you.

Don't misunderstand. I'm positive that God does indeed bless you, but can I get a little credit when credit is due? It's obvious God loves you because you are the luckiest SOB on the planet, so He must have a purpose for you. I sometimes wonder if it's to aggravate the shit out of me though. Or maybe to teach me patience? (That has been my goal for the year. I keep praying for patience. I have none)

I'm glad we had this talk. Please do work on connecting your actions to your consequences. I'm not getting any younger and this isn't getting any easier.

Sincerely,
Your Daughter, Anna Gray