Excuse me, is that a baby or are you stopped up?

Please excuse the lewdity of the blog title but I've got a bone to pick.

I understand that you, fellow facebook patron are preggers. And I'm oh-so-excited that you've decided to extend your gene pool and make the world a pseudo-better place by deciding that your genes need replicating. Honestly, I'm tickled pink.

What I do not need to see however, is your 3-d, 2-d, 4-d or seventy-eleven-d ultrasound. I'll take your word that there is something growing in your uterus. Don't mistake me, pictures of pregnant women are precious. It's really a beautiful thing. WHEN I'M NOT SEEING YOUR INSIDES! You're essentially putting up naked pictures. I'm pretty sure that your uterus doesn't wear a hat (unless you're one of those weirdo's that still uses a cervical cap but then if you did that we wouldn't be seeing the thing growing inside of you, would we?)

Honestly, if your gall-bladder was inflamed are you going to put that ultrasound up? It's nearly the same thing. You've felt crappy for days on end, your abdomen is distended, you're puking your brains out and you finally realize why. Your gallbladder is pissed off! Where are all those ultrasounds? I would think figuring that out would be a happy occasion and cause for celebration? You no longer will be a raging bitch to anyone that mentions food.

And no, I'm not mentioning this because my uterus is lonely. I've come to terms with that. I've decided to just purchase children when I'm compelled to squirt one out. Or maybe just rent them.

But seriously, when I get the joyous experience of being in constant discomfort for 9 months I will not be putting up pictures of my insides. You'll see the baby once I've shat it from my womb and after it's been cleaned up a bit, and had time for it's little head to get rid of that cone shape. The people that will be dealing with me during the time of misery may see the ultrasound pictures, most namely my future-husband and my mother, who will most probably decide that it's a perfect time for that extended vacation to Mexico. For everyone else I'll get a sharpie and we can have weekly game nights were we can play "Preggers Pictionary!" The fun game where we draw the baby on my stomach and you guess whether it's baby, tumor or gas.