I've got a crick in my neck and it's not because I slept on it funny.

Apparently I now get carsick, or bus-sick, when I read on the bus so I thought I would take the time to reminisce about my first blind date.

I realized that I hadn't updated you all on the online dating front, but to be honest there hasn't been much activity there.

Be warned. This may be a little racy. . .

So think back to what you were doing a little over a year ago. It was a pretty dark time for me, especially if I was agreeing to go on a blind date. For serious, I may be looking for Mr. Right but let's be honest, I'll most likely find him clinging to the same bar for support as I am. Going out with a random stranger. . . Not so much.

I wasn't even nervous. Although that doesn't say much. I only get nervous for the pretty ones. And he wanted to go to Applebee's. For serious.

Moving right along, I cannot remember who I knew that cooked up this brilliant scheme but in the idea of moving forward I agreed to it. A Friday night. At Applebee's. Seriously, my joy cannot be contained.

Thankfully I've got one of those 'friends' that you can call when you really need a big, big favor. Or when you're just bored and need a little entertainment. Actually at that time I think I had several.

What?

I told you it was racy. Lewd really.

Anyways I was bored and it was a Thursday night and I was alone and bored and alone. Alone being the operative word. I didn't feel like being alone so I called up my friend and asked him to come over and bring a couple of beers and we'd hang out and get the business done.

In retrospect I realize that maybe I wasn't thinking too clearly but I've never been known for my brilliant decision making skills in a pinch.

The next morning we're off to breakfast and he looks at my neck and Bingo. I'm officially a tainted woman. And I don't care how much you say it looks like a rash people know it isn't. Whatever. He goes to work and I take my hair down and pray it's long enough to cover it. I spent the day at work with my lab coat on with the collar popped. Thank God the microscope room is cold and I had an excuse.

The great thing about best friends is that they aren't allowed to judge you. They are allowed to meet you at the Walgreen's to help you pick out the right shade of concealer however. Which to her credit she did and it was Brilliant! So off to Applebee's I go.

Thankfully when I straighten my hair it is indeed just long enough. I don't think he noticed. What he did notice however was my constant grimace. I didn't realize that my neck hurt as much as it did and I kept rubbing the damn thing because I was too busy running my mouth and trying to think of the next thing to say so I wouldn't have to hear a grown man talk about his new VW Beetle. Yes. You read correctly. He bought the one car marketed to 16 year old girls.And it was two toned. Yes, two toned. The hood, roof and trunk were black and the rest of it was burgundy. Plus there was a body kit. It was pretty damn painful to look at.

We eventually had this exchange:

Him: Does your neck hurt?

Me: Yeah. It does. I didn't realize it was this bad.

I was hoping at this point to use it as an excuse to get out of this painful experience a little early minus a few more emotional scars.

Him: Well maybe you slept on it funny?

Me: No. I'm pretty sure that wasn't it.

Him: Oh. . . . oh. . . . . . . Oh. Well, Oh. Um.

Me: I guess we're through here right?

Apparently concealer will rub off when rubbed enough. It's only a short extrapolation from there. At least he was smart enough to get it.

It's not funny if I have to explain it.